The neverending journey

I need to learn to lower my expectations. I already know that I should lower my expectations, I just don't actually know how to do it. And it is slowly making me crazy.

I'd like my home to look like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. I mean, stylistically, of course, but that's out of my reach. What feels within my reach, though, is a house with a place for everything and everything in it's place. I've aced the 'place for everything' due to a generously sized house with lots of storage space. Everything HAS a place. The problem is that no one but me puts anything in those places.

Them

The kids are just kids. Why spend time cleaning up when time could be spent playing? Or reading? Or aggravating your mother? Or eating for the fiftieth time today? And for that matter, why not combine some of these things? Eating and playing! Reading and aggravating your mother! So they make messes round the clock. And then when I tell them to clean up, they spend their time playing or reading instead. My older son even gives up on everything and just takes a nap. You know he doesn't want to do it when he chooses to sleep instead. He never chooses sleep.

Me

And my husband.... Oh, my husband. He just doesn't care. Messes, dirt, none of it bothers him. I get twitchy in a cluttered room. He just moves clutter aside and makes a spot to sit and considers it good enough. We've been married a while now, and I have long since given up on asking him to do things my way. Why put socks in the laundry basket when there's a perfectly good floor right in front of it? Why put things in the drawer when you can just set them on top of the counter?

The thing I've realized, is that I'm the only one who values a clean, tidy house. My family members don't care. And ultimately, if it's something that matters to me, I need to take ownership and do it. What I'm also still working on accepting is that I can't reasonably have a home that looks the way I want it to when I'm the only one who values it. I keep trying to come up with a good routine to maintain the house, but it's hard to have a reasonable, doable routine when I have four bathrooms and I think each one should be cleaned twice a week. If it was only bathrooms I had to clean, that would be all well and good, but there's another 3000 or so square feet that need attention to.

Lowered expectations. That's what I need to do. Keep them in line with what I can actually do without making myself crazy.

Inauguration Day

Today is officially a school holiday, but I thought it important that we watch the inauguration ceremony. We don't have cable, but we did recently buy an antenna that gets us the network channels in HD, so that works well enough for those purposes. 

I think it's important for kids to understand how our government work, the parts that we're proud of and the parts we're less so. Today is a part I'm proud of. 

Ansel was not impressed by how long the whole thing was. I thought that, relatively speaking, it was fairly succinct. I could have done without the poetry and the incredibly long invocation, but it is what it is. I also enjoyed watching the president's limousine drive to the Capitol, recognizing places I've been along the way(we're originally from a suburb of Washington DC and I have spent a fair amount of time in the city). We even managed to find a picture of us sort of in front of the Capitol. 

There's also a picture of Kadin talking to a Congressman(Christopher Shays, the Republican from Connecticut) on the steps of the Capitol. Kadin didn't miss a beat when it came to eating his Cheez Its. Priorities when you're 5, you know? 

But mostly today I was proud to see such an accomplished, well spoken man represent us. 

Dear, sweet Ansel

I see a lot of bloggers doing focused posts on their children's birthdays. I think this is super charming and dear and a generally great idea. But.... I missed Ansel's birthday. He turned 6 in December. But yesterday he had his 6 year check-up, so we'll consider that good enough and go with it. He clocked in at 47 inches and 58 pounds! He's already starting to outgrow his size seven clothing.

Ansel is a ball of joy and passionate emotion. When he's happy, he's not just happy, he's over the moon. When he's sad or angry, it is no small thing. The whole world is ending and there will never be another day of sunshine.

He loves art, music(he always asks me to change to music if I put on NPR), running outside and playing with sticks, Star Wars, the color green, chocolate, bananas, and anything his older brother wants or likes.

Ansel is very affectionate. Just last night he fell asleep laying on top of me. I don't know if it's just his inherent personality or if it's from the many years of breastfeeding, cosleeping, and babywearing, but he loves to hug, kiss, hold hands, and generally lay or sit smashed up against his adult of choice. He tests my patience on a daily basis, but makes up for it in sweet gestures. Just last night he grabbed my face, kissed me and said, "You're the most beautiful woman in the world and I'm sorry for every mean thing I've said to you." You can't make this stuff up! I don't know where he gets it! 

(The photos were not taken by me. I wish I had that much talent! They were taken by Melody Yazdani Photography.)

Nature Walk

Our first official day of homeschool went fairly well, all things considered. It's going to take some time to work out those darn kinks.

We had a mini field trip of sorts in the afternoon. The husband didn't have work so we all wanted out of the house for a little while. We visited a local nature trail to get some fresh air. There was a lot of walking involved and even some running by the boys, so.... PE maybe? We'll figure it out.

Kadin being Kadin wanted to read the information. No prompting necessary! This one was about snakes we might encounter. We didn't, fortunately.

Kadin, husband, and dog ran on ahead, leaving Ansel and I behind. Oh well, photo opportunity!

I also managed to convince Kadin to let me take a picture. This is just about the time we realized there was very likely a skunk nearby. So we high-tailed it right out of there!

And here's that ugly little dog running straight at me. He's nothing, if not enthusiastic! His name is McFly, by the way. He's also currently curled up right next to me on the couch. This, after he managed to dig an oatmeal cookie I had in my purse. Hrmph. Not cool, McFly, not cool.

Also check out Friday's Nature Table over at The Magic Onions. 

Homeschool, ahoy!

School starts back on Tuesday, after a long winter's break. My kids won't be there.

This hasn't been an easy choice. And it hasn't been a quick decision either. It's something my husband and I have discussed for years off and on. There were points where it seemed like the only good decision, like when we were considering a move to Savannah, Georgia, which isn't exactly known for it's awesome school system. It was a consideration when we pondered how our super active younger child, Ansel, would deal with a structured school setting where his every want and desire and urge couldn't be catered to, and there's been considerations for our older son, Kadin, who is gifted, but has a hard time staying focused for various reasons. (I should point out that it has been suggested to us that Ansel is gifted as well, and a lot of his challenges are indicative of those of a young boy who is gifted. He doesn't have problems, just challenges.)

And then Sandy Hook happened, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that brought the discussion up again. It's definitely not the reason, but it's a factor, not gonna lie.

We're also looking to move whenever a job opportunity comes up, and it took Ansel the whole first semester to get even kind of settled in his current school situation. I shudder to think how he would handle a mid-year transfer to a new school and a new class. He knows the current expectations, and he still gets in trouble frequently. He just can't quite contain himself. There's all this energy and spirit balled up in his tiny little person and it just wants out!

First day of school 2012

Over this break, I cobbled together a little makeshift trial curriculum, just to see how things would go. We tried a couple of days of short 'school' sessions, and it went.... well. It'll take some work and some getting used to, and better curriculum options will help a lot. But the boys did really well, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed watching them figure things out. I enjoyed watching them enjoy what they were learning. Ansel's reading is exploding and he is loving the accomplishments. He wants so badly to read. Kadin and I are diehard readers, and I think the modeling is working on Ansel. He sees that there is this wealth of knowledge and fun in books, and he wants in. Of course I read to him, but he wants access to it even when I can't sit there and work with him. We tried reading these little books with the goal being one a day, and the other evening he just wanted to keep going. He got through five of them before deciding he wanted to move on to something else, and I was so proud of him. But it wasn't a system that would have worked in a formal school setting. A formal setting would have dictated how much time could go into it. And he wouldn't have been allowed to, inch by inch, crawl up onto the table and squirm around and kick and wiggle and flop every which way. But if that gets the words into his brain, all the better! I can put up with the wriggling. A school can't, I get it.

I also realized that Kadin has some major holes in his education. I'm flummoxed, and a little bit disappointed in myself. I hadn't realized how much he didn't know. I was under the ignorant impression that getting As in classes meant that he was learning. I guess not. He did not do anywhere near as well on some evaluations that I gave him as I would have expected. We're going to need to work backwards to try and fill in some blanks. He wants to be a scientist of sorts someday, so he needs a firm foundation in math, and right now I don't think he has that. He also has a lot of scattered interests that I would like to help him delve into.

One problem that I foresee is that we live in a very conservative area. There are homeschooling groups, but they are mostly religion based. I've heard rumor that there are other resources, so I'm going to keep looking and find what I can. I don't worry about socialization. My kids are social to a fault, and it wouldn't hurt them at all to be learning in an environment that doesn't have constant peer distractions. They will not be cut off from the world, we can be quite sure of that.

So, I'm overwhelmed. And I'm confused. And I'm at least a little bit scared. But I'm good with it. It feels right. It'll work ok. And it's not forever. For right now, we're going to finish this school year. Ansel is in kindergarten and Kadin is in fifth grade. We'll re-evaluate at the end of the school year and decide what to do about next year. I'm going to miss my free time. I'm going to miss Ansel's teacher, who has been amazing on every possible level and has really blown every teacher cliche out of the water. I'm going to miss the neighborhood parents I've gotten to know at after-school pick-ups. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was going to miss some of the hands off advantages of having someone else direct my children's day to day education. But really that's a cop out, and I am the parent and I can't let someone else steer the boat down the wrong path.

Blerg

So I got the plague. Ok, ok, not the plague. But I did get strep throat. And that did put me down for the count. Huzzah! I spent the better part of four days curled up in a ball on the couch. A couple of nights I didn't even attempt sleeping in a bed and just stayed cemented to that couch. Thank goodness for a comfortable couch, I suppose.

So here I am on the other side. I'm not feeling as sick, though the effects of antibiotics are not all stellar. But I can actually swallow without difficulty so I think it's a significant step in the right direction. For those couple of days, we were in survival mode. My husband still had to work and the kids were still home with me all the time because school is out. So it was a lot of makeshift, grab what you can and be grateful, kind of dining. Oh, and perhaps some Subway as well, I won't lie. (I also won't lie and deny loving Subway.)

So now that it's officially the new year and I can stay in an upright position for extended periods of time, I can be productive again! I have Big Plans for myself this year. I have some rough ideas for blogging. I have some dietary changes to make and some 'splaining to do to all ya'll nice people. I have some ambitions for our family, and hopefully some of those things will be ironed out in the next few days so I have yet another thing to stress about. I need to make a new chore chart that is actually workable for our house(since moving, I have never been able to iron it out to be reasonable but actually keep the house clean). And even more than that, I need to stick to the chore chart.

Ok, well, there's so much to do that I could totally overwhelm myself just sitting here. But the husband is out watching a movie and the kids are in bed so I have a few things I need to mark off my to-do list. One thing I already completed tonight was setting up the boys' reading lights by their beds. Their bed frames are super thick, so the clamp wouldn't stick which was frustrating. So I trawled Home Depot until I found a bracket type of thing to screw into the bed frame and clamp the light to. It works, and the boys are happy to have reading lights. Now they don't have to suffer through the indignity of getting out of bed to turn off their overhead light.

Bring it on 2013

It's almost the new year! How can 2013 be coming right down on us already? It's terrifying! And really exciting all at once. So many opportunities in front of us. I don't really 'do' the New Year's resolution thing. But I'll fake it this year and resolve to actually blog again. I fell off the wagon when our family went through some big disruptions and I lost my mojo for a bit. Sometimes it was just enough to get through the day with everyone clean and fed. But now I need to do better. Blogging will help, I hope.

This did cause to me to scroll back through my old blog posts. There were more than I remembered. I guess I was maybe a little better at this than I thought. I also flipped back through my old entries to find my ranch dressing recipe and used that today.

And times have changed since I was posting here last. I had to update my profile because it said my boys are 4 and 9 when they're now 6 and 10(soon to be 11)! Both of them are in school now, kindergarten and fifth grade. Things are definitely different than they were before.

I'll leave you with a Christmas picture. Because yesterday was Christmas. And because I can.

Cereal debate, fail.

Did anyone see this about the cartoon characters on cereal boxes? There was a proposal to ban them, but, the government has dropped it.

Government softens approach to curbing junk food marketing to kids, food industry still balks

I wish they hadn't. I wish the ban had happened. I don't understand why we need to entice kids to eat food with cartoon characters. Why can the food not speak for itself? Will kids really NOT want to eat frosted marshmallow cereal if you take the leprechaun away? Or the tiger? Will they suddenly want nothing but All Bran if you do that? Oh! Geez. Would THAT be so bad?

At this point, we don't eat much breakfast cereal. We do eat some, mostly as a snack. And we buy it at our natural food store or at Trader Joe's when we make it there. Almost none of the cereal at Trader Joe's has cartoon characters on the packaging, and there's certainly no commercials for it. The one exception on the characters is this brand, Nature's Path Envirokidz. And you know what? My kids ALWAYS ask for those ones. I don't buy them because they're more expensive and they're gluten free, and we don't have gluten issues so I don't see the point in paying more. But once I tell my kids 'no,' they're more than happy to pick out Strawberry Yogurt Os or Crisp Rice.

I guess that's where I fall on this. Parents should be able to say no, and they should say no. But why not make that easier for them? And make it easier on the kids to make good decisions.

What a pilgrimage means to me

I am not a religious or spiritual person, so for me, what falls near and dear to my heart is different than what others might find is dear to them. We used to live in a large metropolitan area with a ton of various resources available to us. It was easy to come by organic foods, or natural products, or a community of like-minded people. About two years ago we moved south, to an area that still has a "city," but it is much smaller and the vibe is a lot different. I found myself struggling to maintain the same type of healthy lifestyle we were accustomed to.

One of the things I found myself missing most was Trader Joe's. You have to understand.... I LOVE Trader Joe's. And where we lived before, it wasn't an issue of whether there was a Trader Joe's, it was a matter of which one was closest to your home and which one you most frequently drove past as you went about your life. So I frequented four different ones, and I had my favorites.

And then we moved. And there was no Trader Joe's, and I was sad. When my parents came to visit, my mom would bring me some things from Trader Joe's. Once she even mailed me Trader Joe's things! And when we went to a city near-ish by that had a Trader Joe's, we would go there and bring things back. And when we drove up north to visit family, we'd stop by Trader Joe's and bring things back. But when your vehicle is already loaded with four people and a horse of a dog and all their things, you can only bring so much back. Add to that a 10 hour drive and you're pretty limited.

But as mentioned in my last post, I bought a chest freezer. And with all that freezer space comes all kinds of options. So what else could I do this weekend but drive to Athens, Georgia and hit Trader Joe's?! I mean, really. What else could I have possibly done with my day? It's not like I have kids or school or anything else. Geez.

So off we went. Coolers in the back, rear seats folded into the floor, we were ready! And we got there, and oh holy saints alive, it was amazing! It was like being home again! People with dreadlocks, Birkenstocks, and tattoos! And happy employees! And teeny tiny carts!(why do they do that??) I had a list in my head of a couple of things friends had asked me to pick up for them as well, because of course everyone I know understands the wonder that is Trader Joe's, even here in the deep south.

We made it, literally, down one aisle before I had to get a second cart and recruit Kadin to push it. The wonderful thing about Trader Joe's is that nothing they sell has HFCS or food dyes, so as far as avoiding these for Ansel, I didn't have to check a single label. (FWIW, the same is also true for the store I shop at here, Earth Fare.) But the plan was to stock up on things that I, first off, love, and secondly, that are cheaper at Earth Fare than elsewhere, so that I would be 'stocked' on these things for three months. Which means my next pilgrimage is planned for January! Woot! I can hardly wait already!

It's worth noting that a few things happened.... The two carts were piled so high Kadin couldn't see over either one, and I had to direct him. We also killed their cash register... it freaked out and froze, the receipt was too long to print and we killed their printer, and two guys had to each push two carts full of bagged items out to our car. On the way out, the one guy asked, "Do you have a Mac truck for all this?" To which I replied, "Nope! Just a minivan." Trader Joe's employees being awesome, they even helped me dig out frozen items to load into my coolers.

Was it worth it? Oh heck yes! All $528 of it! (No lie, really.) It was summed up almost immediately upon driving away, when each child was given a fruit leather to enjoy. Ansel said, "I like this candy!" I didn't protest, even though it's not candy at all, and is only fruit, no added sugar. Why should I argue?

As we drove away. Kids have fruit leather, I acquire coffee, and I bask in the awesomeness of all that I purchased at the beautiful place. If you have one near you, appreciate it.

When we got home, I had to take a picture of it all. The other angle just didn't take in the magnitude of it.

Excuse the weird orbs that happened with my phone pictures. I'm quite sure my house isn't haunted. It's just glare. Really.

It's a good thing my counters were clear when I got home.(Because I cleared them before I left, no magic cleaning elves here! Or ghosts.) There were a lot of wonderful things to sort.

I don't like their white cheddar popcorn at all. Why do you ask?

No, I do not dream of their amazing frozen pizzas on really busy nights when I don't have time to, or energy to, cook anything more labor intensive. Ok, fine, I do. Pair this with a quick side salad and it's a great dinner for us. Next to it, you can kind of see some frozen fish. I bought enough for us to have these once a week until January. Amazing!

Phew! That was fun. I am so excited! So far we've finished a bag of the popcorn, the kids have eaten about half a box of squeeze yogurts, and we're working on a box of amazing cereal bars that taste like real things! And aren't fluorescent colors!

Oh, and I feel like I need to say... The bags will not be wasted. I use their bags for my paper recycling storage until I go drop it off at the recycling center. Yes, I do usually use reusable bags, but Trader Joe's has always been my exception to get the bags for recycling.

The athletic gene

I lack whatever that thing is that makes you good at, or like participating in, sports. Whatever it is, I don't have it. I was in gymnastics, dance, and softball as a kid. Oh! And horseback riding and swimming lessons, but never swim team.

Gymnastics was a joke. I think I lasted maybe a month's worth of lessons. I was(and still am) terribly afraid of heights and taking physical risks. So yeah. that rules gymnastics out pretty quickly.

Softball lasted, I think, four years. I think softball lost me when they switched from those cute short-shorts to the capri style(I'm sure this is not what actual softball uniforms are called, but this shows where my priorities were). I was sort of ok with softball for the first three years. I drew a lot of pictures in the dirt when I played second base. I caught exactly three balls when they made me catcher(Why? I have NO idea). And I was a huge fan of the free soda after games(Suicides anyone?).

Horseback riding was yet another joke. That fear of heights and physical risk? Oh yea. That reared it's head again. I think the straw that broke the horse's back was when the horse stepped on my foot. That.... hurt. I had already spent most of the lesson's crying, so.... That was a bust. I loved the idea of horseback riding. But actually doing it? Not so great. My parents weren't thrilled with that one. The boots and helmet had been expensive and now.... yea. Wasted. Sorry!

Swim lessons went ok. The water didn't scare me. I had a brief resistance to diving, but I was able to get over that one. I was also fortunate that no pool I ever frequented had a high dive, cause that would have been a total no-go. I came out of it knowing how to swim just fine. I can dive... kind of. I know the various strokes, but who in their spare time does the butterfly anyway?

Dance was the only one that had any kind of longevity. I started at 3, if I remember right. Stopped for a year at 5, then was back in at 6 or so, until we moved to Texas when I was 11. This is another one of many situations in my life where I really liked something, I was doing everything "right," but I just didn't have the right whatever to be really good. My body wasn't right, my this and that wasn't right, whatever. But it was a fun activity, and that was the end of it. I didn't pick it up again after we moved.

Oh. And there were two pathetic try-out incidents in middle school..... track and cheerleading. Both went, well, badly. I can't run to save my life and my ability to contort my body in air might be even worse.

I firmly believe that the value of sports is not in being good at them, but in enjoyment and the physical activity of it. I am the least competitive person ever. I hate competition, and so I'm not super excited about winning at sports. It's nice, but eh. You will never find me watching a sporting event by choice. I positively could not care less.

Which brings us to my children. I think Kadin inherited my non-athletic gene. And I'm sad, because my husband has the athletic gene, and he has it bad. Dear, dear, Kadin. He is so like me in so many ways.

But we started him in soccer when he was 5, I think. And he's never been a natural, but he tries(most of the time) and he enjoys it(generally). So we've carried on with it. I also really like soccer, as far as sports go. I kind of hate sports that require fifteen types of equipment and a special space to play at all and so on and so forth. Soccer's just you and a ball, and I think that's pretty great. And there's running. Running is great exercise. Back and forth, back and forth....

So Kadin's now 9, in the 4th grade. And this year, miracle of miracles, the kids are finally playing something that resembles an organized sport. There's finally technique, and defined positions, and real coaching, and an official ref, and it's amazing! Monday was the first game of the season, and Kadin definitely contributed, and his team won! Off to a great start! Their next game is tomorrow, and we're gonna hope for good things.

Do your kids play sports? Do they love it or hate it?

How about you? Did YOU play sports? Were you terrible like me?

Nature fun time at the lake

I didn't update yesterday..... I will now hang my head in shame. I was doing SO WELL! Hmph. I guess that's ok anyway.

I had been planning on my next post being more information on HFCS, but that can be either tomorrow or later today. We had an impromptu trip to the lake on Sunday, so I decided I'd post on that first.

This summer we realized our county has a park with a lake for swimming, boating, and camping. We've been in this area for two years now and it took me this long to figure it out. In my defense, our county's website leaves much to be desired and the parks and recreation information is even less available, despite our county's parks being thus far quite impressive. So. Once I figured it out, we went and checked it out.

It's great! The park is quite large, with several different areas designated for boating and swimming. The swimming beach has not been busy any of the times we have visited. The busiest time had about two other groups of people there. This time, when we arrived, there was only one sunbather actually on the beach. It's really nice! The water is as clean as one could expect from a lake. They have obviously trucked in sand, which is fine with me. The water is pretty shallow in this area, though if you go far enough out it's hard to say how deep it might be. The only time I tried that was when we had another adult along with us(I guess I just don't trust my swimming skills that much!).

On this particular day, I had intended to stay in and clean the house. But the weather ended up being amazing, it WAS a weekend, and being almost mid-September, it's impossible to know how long this weather will hold up. So upon the advice of two friends, I let the responsibility wait and we went and had fun. I packed a lunch, and only took the necessary swimming items to minimize effort necessary, and off we went! Another great thing is that the drive out there is through a rural part of the county which is pleasant, and then admission is $3 per vehicle, so that's simple enough. We turned on some jams in the car, and off we went!

The kids had a great time, as always. They didn't want to leave, even after staying for a couple of hours, but that's par for the course anytime we do something fun. It also sufficiently wore them out so they were much more laid back for the rest of the day. It's a win-win for everyone!

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Now realizing just how long it has been since I actively posted, I realize that I left you with my older son, Kadin, being a vegetarian. Well, that didn't last. We had a single incident where we went to Outback(as a whole family plus a friend), and upon being presented with shrimp, ribs, AND steak, he folded. And then it all went from there.

He seemed to be pretty ok with that. I had grown increasingly frustrated with his demands. He wanted non-meat items, fine, but then he got particular about WHAT non-meat items. And I was not at all ok with simply replacing meat with fake meat products. I don't think that's healthy, nor is sustainable long-term. So now, Kadin is in 4th grade and is an omnivore again.

He does, occasionally, ask about being a vegetarian again. He tells me he likes animals, and he doesn't want to eat them. But at the same time, he sometimes asks me if we can have steak for dinner, or can we make shrimp, and so on. Admittedly, I don't want to go back to it. It got old fast. It was a lot of extra work for me, and it got tedious explaining it to people all the time. My in-laws thought it was awful, my parents thought it was crazy, and can you blame them? My husband and I both come from meat loving families, and Kadin has always LOVED meat!

I guess we'll see what happens. Only time will tell. The question I have to ponder now is one that Kadin posed, "So.... when can I be a vegetarian again?" Hmmm....